Out of the Darkness of Chaos and Into the Light of Life

In the beginning there was nothing but darkness and chaos that made up time and space. But God reached out into the blackness and disorder and created structure and order. God created all that we know in this world as well as the vast mystery of the universe. With his word, or a stroke of his divine hand chaos was transformed from meaningless matter into meaningful existence. No longer did chaos exist in God’s holy creation, but order, structure, meaning, purpose and life.

As human beings we are an important part of God’s creation. Therefore, whether we realize it or not, having been created in the image of God, we to crave order and structure in our lives. Yet we live in a world and society that is full of chaos and uncertainty. The time and age we currently live is filled with fear, doubt, anxiety and uncertainty. This has the overwhelming potential to create sheer chaos in our daily lives. Just as disturbing chaos exists in many of our homes, relationships and work places. No wonder we are a society that  is full of addictive and unhealthy behaviors. Without some form of spiritual grounding, this world threatens our peace and serenity, causing all forms of chaotic and sick behavior. Rather than live our life with thoughtful responses, we live lives of impulsive reactions. Chaos leads to fear, and fear leads to unpredictable and selfish coping methods.

Living a life in total chaos is a terrible way to exist. When we can find no order in our lives, our tendency is to self impose order that is usually unhealthy and self-destructive. We all need a purpose in life. We all seek personal meaning and fulfillment as well. We all seek structure and order. Yet when another person, or perhaps some other outside source imposes chaos into our lives we lose our sense of being and question our sanity. This is an ugly, dark and dim place to abide. For out of imposed chaos we begin to question ourselves and lose our sense of being and identity. All forms of spiritual disease such as anger, resentment and self-loathing arise out of that dark, chaotic nothingness that infects our lives with an overwhelming feeling of dread and insecurity. We feel abandoned, isolated and even worthless. When there is no light of hope, chaos casts us further down the scale into the bowels of despair. It is in this pitch black and utterly dark place that our lives unravel, and become unmanageable. There is a nasty toxicity that prevails. Human beings don’t function well, if at all when living in an environment filled with chaos. 

Looking to God and trusting him is the key to our release from the darkness and reckless abysmal pit of churning chaos. The Psalmist writes, “(God) You are a lamp to my feet, and a light unto my path.” Ps. 119: 105. A spiritual life is key in escaping a life of unhealthy and chaotic behavior. Breaking away and allowing God’s holy light into our lives restores sanity, hope and structure. Jesus goes on to say in the Gospel of Matthew, “the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.”  These are powerful and hopeful words. We have a choice! We don’t have to exist in a life full of untamed darkness and chaotic behavior. The light of Christ is so bright that no darkness can withstand its brilliance. It is here, in a renewed spiritual life that we find order, which brings us peace of heart, mind and soul. Yet we have to truly desire that light and invite it into our hearts, prayers and daily life. 

God will reach out to us and transform our lives from complete chaos to an ordered and healthy existence. As our relationship with him grows we will begin to see chaos’ true nature, and wince it came. We will recoil from it like a hot flame as well as the people, places or things that brought chaos into our lives in the first place.

The love of God is endless and that love is not random or chaotic. It is real, ordered and tangible. There is hope in the chaos of our lives and God will restore us to a life of health, structure, boundaries and goodness. We simply have to ask God to pull us out of the dark and all consuming chaos and restore us to him. In I Peter 2: 9, the writer of the Epistle says, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness (Chaos) into his wonderful light.”

The love of God is immeasurable and his willingness to care for us in all situations is unquestionable. So invite and allow God’s holy grace to penetrate the dark chaos of our lives, and liberate us from a life of total despair and self-destruction. It is then that we will find a purpose and meaning in our lives that far exceeds any expectation we may have ever had. 

Surviving in the Pit of despair

The prophet Jeremiah, refusing to stop prophesying God’s words to his people, found himself mercilessly thrown into a muddy and dark pit by the ruler of his day. Jeremiah defiantly said he would prefer to remain in that pit of despair rather than disobey his God. But I am certain that he wasn't happy about his situation. Yet he remained faithful despite life’s uncontrollable challenges.

How often do we find ourselves in that same muddy pit of despair of hopelessness? It’s an awful place to exist, despite our faith and hope in God. For some of us who have no faith or perhaps struggle to keep it, life becomes an even darker hell. Deep pits of despair are unfortunately a part of life. Without hope and the faithful assurance in a Power greater than ourselves, we feel perpetually stuck in the rancid mire, and utter darkness of that insurmountable hole.  

Life is full of pits and deep holes that we inevitably find ourselves stumbling and falling into, sometimes on a regular basis. Unlike Jeremiah however, whether circumstances in our personal lives landed us there, or someones actions pushed us there, its important to remember we don’t have remain there. The choice is ours.

I personally know that dark, dank and slimy pit all too well. Over the past several years my life has been a train wreck of one pitfall after another.  I actually got to the point where I even lost my faith in God, the church and humanity in general. The pit I found myself in was all to real, and escape seemed impossible and completely hopeless. I even asked myself, “What’s the point of even living anymore if this hopelessness and despair is all I have to wake up to each day?” It was and still is a dark time in my life, but renewed faith has begun to bring a shimmer of hope and a glimmer of light. I cling to that slight hope with a vice grip like hold. It’s all I have to keep me going each and everyday. 

Yet I know, as  well as so many others, that there is a way out of that pit of despair. It’s called selflessness. Getting outside oneself and helping others. There is a spiritual strength that comes from thinking less of ourself and our own problems, and turning our attention to others who suffer and are in desperate need of help. Selflessness frees us spiritually from the bondage of self, and the pit that we often find ourselves not so much stuck in, rather more like wallowing in our self-consumed sorrow and despair. Thinking of ourselves less makes more space for God to exist within us. 

The Apostle Paul wrote, “If God is for us, who can be against us.” In other words, life is life. It shows up and there is little we can do to control whatever turmoil it may bring. Yet if God is with us, there is always sure and certain hope, as well as a spiritual freedom, despite our circumstances. Our spiritual connection to God and willingness to let go of self is the rope that will pull us out of life’s pits of despair and desperation. Thus, remaining in that wretched pit becomes optional.

A Life Void of the Spirit

The Rev. John West

July 30, 2017

Life is so empty without God. Life is so hollow and seemly meaningless when we are totally void of spirituality. Life has no purpose without that spiritual connection to a Power greater than ourselves. We easily and quickly lose sight of who we are as a person, as well as our self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. When we place all of our being, completely relying on another person, a place or even our job to serve as our identity, life can quickly spiral into an abyss of hopelessness and despair. This is especially true when we no longer have any or all of those external factors to rely upon, or use to define us as a person. Life has a cruel streak. People we love unexpectedly leave us, geographical cures or wealth rarely, if ever are an answer and jobs can dissipate in the blink of an eye.  It is in those type situations that we discover we no longer have the capacity, inner strength or resolve to meet the daily challenges of life, especially when real hardship and unexpected, painful situations arise.

Remorse and regret often become our worse enemy. Without a well maintained spiritual life we are quickly swept out into a sea of desperation and self-destructive despair, as if we are caught or trapped in a dangerous and relentless undertow. We then question, “Where is God in all of this?” or “Why me God?” But since our relationship with God has suffered, we are spiritually depleted of all since of his presence. In our calling out to God, all we hear in return is spiritual silence, and the overwhelming sound of our own internal pain. Caught up in ourselves and focusing on our relentless agony without a firm and strong spiritual foundation is a living hell, and intense nightmare of hopeless desperation and utter darkness.

I’ve walked this dark road and know the sheer feelings of abandonment and loneliness. It is a terrible and cruel path. But it is important to remember, as I discovered, God never left me, I allowed myself to lapse into a spiritual malady, and ultimately it was me who quit communicating and consistently, yet subtly forgot to do the things necessary to build a life based on a deeper relationship with God. My life had become nothing more than a house of cards, ready to collapse at the first sign of adversity. Sheer and utter grief, remorse and regret suddenly overwhelmed me, and I had no skill set or firm spiritual faith to cope with life’s immense tragedies. I then knew loneliness and a darkness like no other.

The question the arises, “Is there still hope?” Absolutely! In the world of recovery there is a saying, “Let go and let God.” This sounds way easier said than done, but it is the first step in either regaining that spiritual life, or perhaps starting one for the first time. A strong spiritual relationship with God is certainly not renewed over night. After all, we have lived a life based on self-will and self-reliance for a long time. Yet God never gives up on us. God never abandons us. God is there waiting for us to reach out to him, just as he is reaching out to us. It is only then that true spiritual healing and reliance can begin to occur and take shape in our lives.

In his letter to the Romans, Paul tells us that, “The Spirit helps us in our weakness.” He goes on to explain that nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God. Those are encouraging words and good news for those of us who feel lost and tossed about on a sea of hopeless despair. The Apostle once again gives us hope by telling us, “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him (Christ Jesus) who loved us.”  In other words, when we become willing to turn our life and will over to the care of God and accept ourselves and situations for what they are, it is then that we begin to restore that relationship, and our feet become more settled on solid spiritual ground.

Life is lovely and a gift, yet it is also filled with treacherous potholes and pits that are easy to fall into at times. Yet it is through our trust, faith and gratitude for what God has, and will continue to do for us in this life that allows us to conquer our selfishness and blind self-centered behavior. 

When our identity is based on our relationship with God and not human or tangible things in this world, although we will still know suffering, pain and loss, we will intuitively know that there is a way forward. That is God’s gift and love for us. All we have to do is to remain in conscience contact with God, trusting that no matter what he will never desert us, and will always dispel the darkness.

Cutting away the Past, a Heavy and Burdensome Anchor

How often do we cling to the past with regret, remorse, guilt, grief or even nostalgia? The past is like a heavy and relentless anchor that when embraced and continually lived and wallowed in, becomes a heavy and unhealthy weight that keeps us from living life in today. Living in the past keeps us from moving forward in this precious life God has so richly and benevolently blessed us. Life is a gift that is meant to be lived with joy and anticipation of good things to come, not mired down in burdensome grief, remorse, loss or painful memories of days past. Yet we are human beings, and we struggle with life and difficult situations, hurts, pains, loss and memories that often haunt us. It is easy for us to live with regret, remorse, guilt and self-blame. It’s our human nature to have these feelings, and that is why we need to turn to God. Paul tells us in his letter to the Ephesians, “In Christ all things are possible.”

In I Peter 5: 8, the writer reminds us of Christ’s unconditional love for each of us. He writes, “ Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.” These profound and loving words give us hope in times of darkness and despair. They remind us that God loves us and that we don’t have to allow the past to destroy today. They give us comfort that Jesus is present with us in the here and now. However, we have to cut the rope that relentlessly ties us to the past in order to fully feel and know his presence. We can give and offer up all of our regrets, sorrows, remorse and spiritual sickness that are directly connected to yesterday to Christ, and he will relieve us of our burdens and heal our hearts.

Interestingly that same passage also refers to the “Evil One” who prowls around like a lion waiting to devour us. Living in the past will devour and ultimately destroy us, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and eventually physically. Often we allow ourselves to become consumed by the “what if’s,” and the “should haves, would haves and could haves.” In reality, those shameful thoughts are equivalent to chasing our tails which of course we will never catch. We simply live our lives in a vicious and unhealthy cycle or circle. Letting go and giving ourselves wholly, humbly and completely to the loving care of God is our way out of the dark and dank wilderness of yesterday. 

Let’s face it, we all make mistakes, bad decisions and poor choices in life. Some of us even relish and desire the “glory days” of our past, wishing to relive them. That’s called being human. I’m certainly guilty of all these, but beating myself up constantly or obsessively desiring to relive the “good old days” only serves to make me sick and live in a self-made hell of denial. Yet by living in this cycle, I will never experience the gifts and life found in today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is but a dream. All I really have is today. I can’t afford to beat myself up and chase the “What if’’s” or “Should haves” of the past. That only serves to make my life miserable today and creates anxiety, self-doubt and depression that flows over into tomorrow.

For some of us breaking the cycle of living in the past is extremely challenging and difficult, but not impossible. Learning to set mental and emotional boundaries, as well as  seeking a stronger and closer relationship to God is key. Self-awareness and holding ourselves accountable for our choices and actions today are an important part of cutting the obsession of longing for yesterday. Sometimes we just have to pray for the, “willingness to be willing.” 

Don’t be devoured by the roaring lion who prowls in the dark crevasses and creases of our brokenness, seeking to destroy our lives. Rather, allow the light and healing grace of God to flow through us and caress those broken, wounded and infected sores of yesterday. Allow the love and tender mercy of Christ to cut that binding rope and loose that heavy anchor that keeps us stuck in remorse, regret and self-blame. 

It is important to remember that we are never alone in this life, although there are times in which it certainly feels that way. Jesus promised the disciples before his ascension into heaven and to the Father, “He would be with them until the end of the ages.” So too will he be with us right here, right now in this very moment, today. Let go of the past for it is but a memory that we cannot change, and embrace the life we are given in the here and now.