Apprehension and Prayer, a Life of Faith

Apprehension is a mental, emotional and spiritual wrecking ball. It paralyzes our lives in a way that no other stress does. It creates in our minds a fear of the future. We begin to imagine all sorts of stressful scenarios, many of which never even occur. Apprehension causes us to question ourselves, and our ability to cope with life in the present. It eats away at the precious time we have in this world, corroding our mental, emotional and spiritual faculties. If left untreated, the anxiety simply takes over and dominates our lives fully.

How do we learn to place that apprehension in its proper perspective? Life will always be filled with some anxiety. But for those of us who suffer from anxiety disorder the apprehension is absolutely demoralizing to the soul. We see no way out or forward that is beneficial to the self or healthy to the mind. Our coping skills deteriorate to almost nothing as the fear gradually eats away at our psyche. If left unchecked this disorder leads to all kinds of unhealthy behavior such as alcoholism, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other substance abuse. Human nature will seek out comfort and relief wherever and however it can find it.

There is a way forward! Jesus asks us to cast all of our burdens on him. This takes practice and determination through prayer. Daily prayer works. By offering our fears and worries up to God we take the first step in relief from overwhelming anxiety. As humans, all too often we desire to be in complete control of our environment. If we freely give our worries and fears to God and let God manage our lives we are suddenly free of the deadly bondage of apprehension. However, this takes work. Prayer does not come easy for many of us. Often we only pray when we are experiencing a hurtful, uncomfortable and frightening situation. Prayer takes practice and is an ongoing conversation with God. It is through consistent daily prayer that we are able to turn our lives and wills over to the care of God, and trust that he will care for us no matter what we face, or the outcome. God is in charge of our lives, not us. God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, but we must be willing to do the legwork.

Prayer requires faith. Faith comes from believing in a power (God) greater than ourselves. Faith requires that we step out into the unknown and fearful aspects of the world, and believe that God is with us. Faith is believing that God hears and answers our prayers. Faith is like letting go of the steering wheel and letting God drive. When we do this we find that so many of our apprehensions are formless shadows that we give life by breathing into them. 

Doing the Next Right thing

Doing the next right thing in life is often challenging and difficult, but necessary for a healthy and serene life. Sometimes we avoid or put off those things that make us most uncomfortable, but find when we do them we are so much better off spiritually.

Procrastination and avoidance are spiritually detrimental. They take such a toll on our mental and emotional well-being, as well as our spiritual psyche. Yet still we often struggle to do the next right thing regardless of the knowledge that it will make us feel better.

Many times we suffer in silence as we ponder doing the next right thing. The desert fathers of the ancient Church had a wonderful way to approach this dilemma. “If the bad news is that the way is (often) painful, the good news is that we are not to travel this way alone. The desert elders are convinced that we cannot address our passions, we cannot know our heart, without the presence of at least one other person. We require a counselor, an advisor, a guide. We need someone to consult, someone with whom to share. We are supposed to reveal our inner thoughts, share our every thought – including, and perhaps highlighting the darker side – honestly and verbally.”

There is a remarkable healing aspect, as well as a way forward when we are able to share our worries, fears and trepidation with another person. By sharing we find ourselves no longer alone. Sharing our journey and fear of what lies ahead gives us an inner strength that we can rely on to do the next right thing.

The Apostle Paul was the great missionary of the Church. He bravely and obediently followed the will of God into unknown lands and people. He preached the Gospel with authority and power, yet he was rarely alone. Paul always had friends and co-workers for Christ who he confided. Together they were able to take on the next right thing and see their mission through regardless of the daunting task that lay before them.

We are NOT called to live lives of suffering in solitude. We are called to a community of faith and support in which we rely on the counsel of those whose wisdom and experience are beneficial to our journey.

Whatever the next right thing we may be facing, I encourage us to seek out the advice of someone we trust and who has wisdom. Approaching the next task will be made much easier no matter what difficulty we face.

Gratitude, A Noble Quality

Gratitude is the most noble of qualities we can possess. Often we become so caught up in our daily lives with all their challenges that we forget to stop and find gratitude even in the simplest things in life. While out running the other day I caught a whiff of the Tea Olive plant. Smell is such a strong trigger, as it brought back so many pleasant fall memories of growing up in Augusta as a child. The world and all of its troubles seemed to stop for a few minutes as I enjoyed that delightful fragrance. A sense of genuine gratitude for life flowed through me.

The years were 1991-1993. I was in a terrible place in life. I had lost all of my faith in God and the church. Life was incredibly difficult as I experienced the wretched tearing of divorce. My life seemed empty and hallow. I felt like such a failure and could find no joy in life. The days were filled with humdrum and meaninglessness. I was lost and saw no way out of my predicament. Joy was all but a forgotten memory of the past. I tried to find peace through various artificial ways but none was to be found. I figured that God had turned his back on me so I would show God, I would return the favor. I could find no gratitude for life or anything it had to offer. It was a dark time in my life.

In the dark night of the soul gratitude is usually the first quality to vanish. It’s difficult to enjoy life when we are so down on ourselves. It is certainly more than a challenge to find any sense of gratitude while in the pitch black throws of depression, despair and insecurity. Yet life continued to move forward despite my unwillingness to participate. Little did I know a great awakening was just around the corner.

Donald McKim tells us, “Gratitude is a response to God and God’s blessings that is an expression of praise and devotion. In the Christian context, believers respond in gratitude for the ‘indescribable gift’ of Jesus Christ, who is the supreme expression of God’s grace.” My great awaking came while listening to a speaker talk about God’s grace. I had the profound revelation that God’s grace was fully adequate to bring the gift of joy to those who believed and were willing to turn their life and problems over to God, allowing Jesus to carry our burdens.

God demonstrates to us in this life and in the Bible that God is gracious toward human beings, despite our stubbornness. In Exodus 34:6 we learn, “The Lord God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” Even in my unfaithfulness God remained faithful to me. God never gave up on me; it was me who gave up on God.

How thankful I am today, to know all my past failures were necessary for me to be where I am now. Through much pain and suffering came experience. I became obedient to God. By seeking God I found that God shared his treasured gift for grace with me. The gratitude for life soon flowed in live a raging river. Through my experience and obedience, spiritual growth took place. Through a newly found sense of gratitude I found peace within myself.

“In God’s economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful as it is.” Out of humility flows gratitude. When we reach that state of spiritual depth, our lives while not perfect, are so much better.

Embrace this day and be grateful. None of us are out of the reach of God’s grace. That alone is something to be deeply grateful. Live each day as if it were our last and as the old saying goes, “Take time to stop and smell the roses!”

Guilt and Arrogance, A Fine Line

What is guilt? We all feel it in the pit of our stomachs at times, especially when we know we have done something wrong. The theologian Donald McKim tells us, “Theologically guilt is the condition in which we are estranged from God because of sin, which ruptures the divine-human relationship. It can also be accompanied by a sense of shame.” Thus in the Bible, guilt appears to have two primary assumptions for its existence. The first, human beings are responsible and accountable for their actions and thoughts. Secondly, guilt arises when our actions and thoughts constitute guilt, thus causing a break in our relationship with God and our neighbor. Guilt usually has personal consequences such as worry, anxiety, restlessness, shame, and discontent.

Often in the Old Testament guilt is portrayed as a heavy burden with the ability to crush a persons spirit, body and mind. It destroys a person from within. Guilt is also portrayed as a debt that must be paid.

But what about the guilt we experience in our lives today? We can’t go out and make animal sacrifices, as the ancient Hebrew people were required to do in order to atone for their sins. What allows us to overcome the burden of guilt? The answer is Jesus Christ.

Christ died for our sins. He has made atonement for our misguided ways and faults. He is the great and final sacrifice, often referred to in Scripture as the Lamb of God. Through Christ we are forgiven and reconciled to God despite our sinful nature. However, we have a role to play in forgiveness and the abolishment of guilt as well. It is important to not only forgive those who have harmed us, but to ask for forgiveness when we have hurt others. Once we have done this we are reconciled to God and hopefully our neighbor as well. We need to no longer feel guilt. If we still feel guilt after making the proper restitution, then we are acting arrogantly, saying we know better than God. Ongoing guilt implies that we are beyond God’s grace and God’s capacity to forgive. That is simply not true.

God has blessed each of us with a unique and lovely life. God loves and deeply values each of us. What we do with our lives is up to us, but we are all Children of God and we each have a right to be in this world. Living a life of constant guilt taints God’s gift of grace and in many ways is an act of pride on our part. Why is it pride? Because we are saying we are beyond God’s help. We are lifting ourselves up and our actions are selfish and self-centered.

Ongoing guilt causes grave wounds to the soul. We need not only learn to accept the forgiveness of others, but to forgive ourselves. “Day by day, we try to move a little toward God’s perfection. So we need not be consumed by self-pitying guilt.”

Depression Really Does Hurt

Depression really does hurt. It affects the mind, body and soul. It brings about a deep seeded sense of internal pain and loss. How do we learn to cope with this illness that affects so many people? Life loses its luster. Once abundant enthusiasm quietly disappears. Nothing seems to satisfy the void created in the wake of depression. We question our abilities and ourselves. We slowly lose confidence, as insecurity subtly takes over our thoughts. Gone are the lovely smiles and joyful laughter, only to be replaced by sadness and glume. Fear of people, places and things rears its ugly head.

What triggers this terrible disease? Where did it come from? How do we overcome its misery? It is like riding a rollercoaster with its ups and downs. Some days are better than others. Yet this is no way to live. As a matter of fact depression takes away all the desire to truly live life. Everything becomes dull and a real chore to merely wake up in the morning. Sleep often seems like the best escape.

I never understood the nature of this disease until recently, as I have dealt first hand with many people who suffer from this immobilizing illness. I felt their pain and sorrow. I heard the trepidation in their voice. I witnessed the tears of hopelessness roll down their face. And that’s just it, depression takes away hope, and without hope what kind of life do we lead?

While Jesus must have experienced some form of depression, he certainly experienced anxiety and sorrow in a deep and profound manner. He preached to a people whom never seemed to fully understand that the Kingdom of God was present with them. Standing in God’s Kingdom all life is made abundant and filled with grace. This possibly caused Jesus to feel some sort of depression as sadly the people and his disciples never quite comprehended his message. But Christ forged ahead on his mission of salvation to the world despite rejection, misunderstanding and hostility.

It is important to understand that God is larger than our depression. God is larger than the internal pain the disease causes so many. If we can possibly grasp a little bit of the knowledge that the Kingdom of God is here for us, and for at least a moment stand still in God’s presence, we will see that there is so much good in the world. We will see that through our relationship with Jesus that there is hope despite the darkness. Perhaps a glimmering light will pierce the utter blackness and maybe for a moment we will once again experience what joy feels like in our souls.

While depression is a disease that tries to kill the spirit, there are many treatments for the disease. Medical advancements have several drugs that help those who suffer. Therapy and psychiatric care are a tremendous help. But lets not forget about prayer and the acceptance that everything God made is good. God doesn’t make junk. We are not junk, rather we are all children of God and made in God’s image. God cares deeply for each and every one of us. He gave us life to fully live and thrive, not to punish us. And while horrendous acts victimize some of us, leading us down the dark road of depression, remember, Jesus too was a victim of human kinds cruelness. Jesus knows our pain and sorrow. He experienced it first hand. Even though it may feel like it at times, we are not alone. The Christ in each of us is alive, and nothing can stamp out that light once we come to the realization of God’s nurturing love.

I am not making light of the disease of depression. It is a serious illness if left untreated. I merely wish to point out that we are important to God. Our lives do matter. We are each unique and have a purpose in life. If we can open ourselves up to God we might just discover that purpose.

Through Jesus we are all worthy to stand in the presence of God. Along with therapy and medication, allow God to be a part of our healing life. His abundant grace will lift us out of the darkness and into the light of his Kingdom, which is here and now and yet to come.