Mental Illness And Shameful Fear  

Mental Disabilities are all to often looked at as taboo, even in todays modern world. It’s a subject usually best left quiet in our society, especially for those who have a medical mental diagnosis. Those who suffer from various forms and degrees of mental disability are generally afraid to disclose or reveal their struggles due to the stigmatism created by our culture. People diagnosed with cancer or diabetes usually receive sympathy and genuine caring concern, while a person who reveals they have some from of mental illness are sometimes avoided like the plague, or even silently ostracized by the community. Apparently our culture watches way too many psycho thriller horror films created by Hollywood! 

Mental Illness is real, and like it or not exists in our society. Those who suffer from one of these life altering disabilities certainly didn’t ask for it, just like a person diagnosed with cancer didn’t put that disease on their Christmas list either. The brain is an organ just like the heart, liver or kidneys. It can become sick too. Yet those diagnosed with a mental disability often live under a cloud of shame and embarrassment out fear of rejection by others. Revealing a mental disease to an actual or potential employer, friends, family or a relationship is extremely frightening, as well as  intimidating since the reaction one receives in return is usually met with unfounded fear, denial or ambiguity. 

Unlike other illness that affect the body, mental disorders affect our neurological system, creating behavioral type issues. Some disorders even affect the physiological functions of the brain. Like people who suffer from other types of illnesses, those who suffer from mental illness, whether it be psychological, physiological or a combination of both, need compassion, nurturing, love and affirmation as well. It’s often a lonely and dark world for those with mental illness. Society simply doesn’t, or chooses not to understand the daily struggles a person goes through, and the fear of living in a world that views them as something to avoid or condemn. Of course this is not always the case, but it is much more the norm than not. Those who suffer from mental illness often feel like modern day lepers or untouchables.

Mental illness is difficult to live with each and every day. A person who suffers from mental sickness often feels as if they are on the outside of society looking in, and never a part of the life around them. They simply exist silently in a world of hopeless and helpless fear, anxiety and depression, wondering if they will ever experience the slightest form of acceptance. Unfortunately those who suffer from a mental disorder all too often live with that feeling of “Waiting for the next shoe to drop.”

There are many good medications today that are able to treat most mental illnesses, but since everyones brain chemistry is different, finding the right combination of pharmaceuticals and the correct dosages is not easy, and takes time. Often these drugs have undesirable side effects as well. Psychotherapy also plays a major role in learning to live a better and healthier life for the person who suffers from a mental disorder.  Depending on the severity of the illness and the diagnosis, often change is slow as new patterns of thinking need to develop. Change is difficult for many of us that don’t suffer from mental illness, but it is extremely challenging for those who do. At times its like fighting an uphill battle in three feet of mud. It’s slow, messy and takes constant, persistent and exhausting determination.  

Self-Esteem, self-worth and embarrassment are all too often the constant companions of those who are mentally ill. Questions, such as, “Why me?” constantly churn around in their daily thoughts. Loved ones and lifetime partners often don’t know how to accept or cope with their family member’s diagnosis and altered behavior. It is a lonely place when one feels they have little to no support from the ones they love. Sometimes they experience rejection, denial and even divorce. It’s difficult enough to deal with and accept the illness itself, but it is far worse when family members, spouses and close friends don’t understand and tell the person, “There’s nothing wrong with you,” or on the other hand they overreact, and make the person’s illness all about themselves and how it will affect their own lives. This kind of behavior from our loved ones creates so much shame, guilt and confusion for the person who suffers, especially if they are unable to work or continue with normal daily activities or household chores. Real or not, they often feel berated, experience hostile emotions from those close to them or abandoned, destined to a life of remorse, sorrow and pain. It’s a dark and bleak path without the support, compassion and understanding of the ones we love. 

According to the organization Mental Health in America (MIH), 1 in 5 Adults have a mental health condition. That's over 40 million Americans; more than the populations of both New York and Florida combined. 18% of adults in this country have some type of mental illness. Nearly half of those have a co-occuring substance abuse disorder. And 9.6% experience suicidal ideation. 

Those are staggering numbers! But we are not alone. There are many famous people who have accomplished great things in life, feats that have influenced our modern day world. Even in their illness they made great contributions to the fields of art, science, leadership and music and more. For example just to name a few, Abraham Lincoln suffered from severe depression, Steve Jobs suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, General Douglas MacArther was diagnoses with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Marilyn Monroe had Histrionic Personality Disorder, Michelangelo was diagnosed with Autism, Beethoven suffered from Bipolar disorder, writing one of his greatest pieces while in a severe state of mania. Van Gogh suffered from Bipolar Disorder and another great artist Andy Warhol was diagnosed with Autism. These men and women suffered deeply from their mental disorders yet went on to accomplish incredible and influential accomplishments that still influence our society today.

Still mental illness is a thief that often robs those who suffer of their self-worth, faith, identity and hope. Our mental health is important because those who suffer from an illness sometimes fall into the trap of real despair, dark depression, intense anxiety and their lives become one’s of hopeless and meaninglessness existence, with no sense of purpose in life, as well as abysmal emptiness. That’s no way to live, especially when dreams are suddenly shattered, jobs lost, marriages dissolved, financial issues occur and loneliness and despair sets in like never before. To make matters even worse a genuine sense of spiritual destitution occurs,  leaving one hollow in their soul and feeling utterly abandoned by God. 

These are heartbreaking situations, yet feelings that are in fact a reality for many who suffer from mental illness. There are those too in society who feel sorry for those with mental disorders, but usually do very little to show genuine compassion, affirmation or outreach. An, “I’ll keep you in my prayers often just doesn’t cut it.” People have their own lives to live and those who can’t keep up because they are mentally impaired are left behind, cast by the wayside, left feeling desperate, hopeless and helpless. Shame and remorse become a way of life, capped by a sense of self-loathing and personal failure.

Abandoned in a bleak world is no way to live. While resources for many mental illnesses are available, they are few and far between. For many of us who have mental disorders, it’s a harsh and lonely world that we exist in on a daily, even hourly basis. And while not all mental illnesses lead down this road, many do and those who exist in this world suffer in harsh silence.

Finding that Peace in Jesus we all Crave

When we observe healthy traditions in our lives, it helps us preserve healthy values. Life is full of chaos and turmoil. We encounter hardships and challenges every day of our lives. Whether it be personal in nature, professional of or merely due to illness, it is important to remember that there isn’t enough room in our lives for both chaos and peace. Each day we must make the decision regarding which one we choose, peace or chaos. 

Often we think peace is something that just magically manifests itself in our lives through aimless prayer. When it doesn’t we often feel dejected, disappointed or even angry. Real peace isn’t the result of doing less or trying harder. Rather real peace is the result of simply trusting more and more in Jesus. This means we need to give everything to Christ, our whole lives and beings. Perhaps we suffer from the pain of a broken relationship or loss of a marriage, the struggles or termination of a job, or even an expected medical diagnosis that leads to disability or the facing of life’s finality. 

God brings peace. Anything we try to substitute for his peace will surely bring chaos into our lives. Speaking the name of Jesus brings the peace we all seek. By his name God assures us we will find deep and abiding love and peace within our hearts. In Jesus’ name we are promised healing, hope and blessed freedom from those things that weigh on our lives.

It is important to understand as we begin to travel this road with Christ, that peace doesn’t mean the absence of pain. However, the peace we find in God is a power that is much greater than our pain. In order to have an abundant and healthy spiritual life, one that brings us peace, we must find a power greater than ourselves. That power is Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior. 

Through sincere and intentional prayer we allow God to look at our hearts. He already knows our greatest needs, as well as our hopeless cries for help. God understands the depths of our despair and what our souls most desperately need. Jesus knows our hearts. When we turn to Christ, everything that haunts or disturbs our lives will break and smash against the mighty name of Jesus. So remember, Jesus will come to our aid in time of need , sorrow or despair. While our desires may not turn out exactly how we envision or pray, one thing we are guaranteed, through the love and sacrifice or Jesus, we will find eternal peace, 

Christmas and the Love and Joy of Jesus, God Incarnate

During World War One, the British and the Germans were fighting in France using dreadful trench warfare. On Christmas Eve of 1916, a hush lay over the battle ravaged land, a place of massive destruction and desolation. It represented man kinds brokenness and hatefulness at its worst. Yet on this special night all was serial and quiet. Both warring sides had simply, spontaneously and without truce taken a break from the fighting while worshipping the Christ Child in their own manner. 

In the middle of the night a small portion of the British troops, embedded in their trenches began to sing the well known hymn, “Silent Night.” As they quietly sang the hymn, unbeknownst to them their melodic voices drifted across no mans land and was heard by the German soldiers in the opposite trenches. Moved by the Holy Spirit, the German soldiers began singing the same hymn, but in their own language. The two languages and faithful Christian voices blended together across the ravaged and desolate battle field where so many good men on both sides had given their lives. Moved by the love of God and raising a flag of truce, the German soldiers quietly crept across no mans land and joined their brothers in Christ, their enemy, the British soldiers in their trench. All night they sang hymns together and worshipped the Christ Child. Two supposed enemies sworn to kill the other celebrated Christmas together.

At dawn, the German soldiers crept back across no mans land and back into their own trenches. Interestingly the next day the fighting resumed. But these once vowed enemies who had so genuinely celebrated the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ the night before, couldn’t and wouldn’t shoot at the other. Rather they both fired their weapon over the others head. Both units were eventually moved and restationed as it became obvious to their commanders something was amiss. The love and light of the Christ Child had touched their hearts and brought them true peace and love for one another. That’s what God does for us when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable enough to receive that holy love.

This is what Christmas is truly about. It’s not about all of the presents, parties and other festivities. It’s about the love of God Incarnate, breaking into this world in the form of a vulnerable human baby. This babe also called in Isaiah, as “The Prince of Peace.” brought joy, peace and love into this world. He radiated such a loving light that he even brought sworn enemies together to celebrate his birth, thus transforming their lives forever. 

Many of us feel alone and sad at Christmas. Perhaps we are by ourselves or have bad memories of the past. Maybe addiction, divorce or sheer loneliness causes us to hate this season. Yet remember, Christ came into this world to redeem the world. He came into this world to bring peace, “The Peace of God which passeth all understanding.”  If we allow ourselves to enter into the holy light of Jesus, we will find peace, and experience the true nature of love and healing in the broken cracks and fissures in our hearts. All we have to do is cross over that vast waste and void we call no mans land.

In that tiny stable tucked way in the business of life we will experience a profound spiritual transformation and spiritual renewal in our lives. Even amongst the chaos and difficulties of life and this world. God calls us to be ambassadors of his name. He calls us to do the often unthinkable, love our neighbors as ourselves. We don’t get to choose our neighbor. 

This is my simple and humble Christmas message to all who chose to read this piece. God is truly love, and God loves you whether you feel it or not. This Christmas stop, and lay down your inner weapons and defenses in life. You are not alone. Let the redeeming, healing and peaceful light of Christ flow over you body, into your mind, and move deeply into your broken heart and soul. For Jesus came into this world to save, redeem, renew and our lives. He brings our hearts true peace, love and  joy. All we have to do is simply lay down our arms, put our flailing trust and faith in God’s promise through his Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, and walk into the light we find in that manger.

I close with a verse from the prophet Isaiah which I hope will give those who are especially struggling right now hope and assurance. “Fear not for I am with you, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

I wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas, and may the light of Christ penetrate the darkness that surrounds you, bringing you hope, love, and renewed life. Remember Jesus was called Emmanuel, meaning “God with us” Jesus later promised he would be with us until the end of the age. Walk into the light. Christ is patiently waiting to embrace you in his loving and healing arms. May God bless each of you today, tomorrow and always.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. John+ 

Finding God in the Darkness of Life

I thought I had arrived. Twenty four years ago I pulled myself up against all odds out of an alcoholic hell, and made something of my life. I had a profound spiritual awakening and experience in those early days of sobriety, one that completely transformed my life in an incredible and life altering manner. Then several years ago without warning, while living happily in the light of the Spirit, in an instant that light disappeared in a cloud of dense, black darkness that descended upon me like an impenetrable veil. Living in a world of utter darkness, absent of God’s light is an excruciatingly painful, and a deeply lonely existence. It leaves a desolate void and a feeling of total emptiness inside one’s soul.

The world in which I found myself was one of hopelessness and helplessness. I tried to pray, meditate and read inspirational literature but they were all to no avail. Life became dismal and meaningless. I sought God in the blackness but there was no response or light, only the sound of my desperate pleas for help and relief. My spiritual grounding and foundation were gone in the blink of an eye, and I felt as if I were merely drifting aimlessly in a sea of darkness and despair with no anchor.

I usually avoid writing about myself and personal challenges, but in this case I break my anonymity in hopes of reaching out to those who suffer as I have, in order to let them know that there is hope despite the emptiness. God still exists in those dark places in our lives as I would eventually discover. 

We all need hope, meaning and purpose in our lives. They provide us with joy, fulfillment and happiness. Yet life often seems cruel and unfair. We all have issues and demons we have to fight and try to overcome. When we are not spiritually grounded and become overwhelmed by life’s cruelty, we feel lost; personally, professionally and spiritually. That is a terrible existence. In my life, the hopelessness, helplessness and darkness seemed so overwhelming at one point, that I stood in my driveway at 12am in the morning wondering if life was worth living. Who needs all of this pain and suffering every single day of their life? My whole world had become overwhelmingly dark and hopeless. Where was God in all of this? Why didn’t God  answer my prayers, or at least give me some sign he was at least listening? I had no desire to live anymore. Self-loathing and hate festered and grew in my heart and soul. As the darkness descended, the tears of anguish flowed down my cheeks. I felt utterly alone and abandoned. I was in the vice grip of mania, anxiety, depression, sorrow and overwhelming fear. Regret and remorse were overpowering as my spirit slowly sank into the abysmal depths of despair. I simply resigned myself to a life of deep misery.

Something unexpected soon occurred. Out of seemly nowhere, I remembered Elijah in I Kings 19. Having run from King Ahab and Jezebel in order to save his own life, he found himself fleeing all the way from Northern Israel to hiding out at Mt. Horeb (Mt Sinai) on the Sinai peninsula (Egypt). Tired, feeling abandoned by God and full of self-centered fear and doubt, he hid in a dark, dank cave on the holy mountain. God then sent a strong wind that cracked and broke rocks. Then he sent a fire storm followed by an earthquake. In all of that crashing wind, blazing storm and earth shaking, Elijah never heard the voice of God despite his desperate prayers. It was only afterwards in the sheer silence when he stepped out of the dark cave that Elijah heard the voice of God. Unexpectedly and suddenly spiritually renewed, he went on to become Israel’s greatest prophet and moved about without fear, worry or doubt. He was filled with God’s Spirit, and realized God never abandoned him. We too must step out of those dark, dank caves and meet God in order to hear his voice and feel his Spirit. We too must take courage to trust God enough to to listen to his voice that often tells us what we don’t want to hear.

God speaks to us so much like Elijah. It is important to remember that God is always present in our lives despite life’s unfairness and difficulties. We just have to listen, not with our ears but with our hearts. If we do, like Elijah, hope will rise up out of the ashes of our lives. We discover that hope is grounded in faithful and joyful determination to persevere in life, knowing that God is with us even in the empty silence. Sometimes God doesn’t give us what we want or desire because he is developing and forging our character. But it is important to remember despite life’s hardships, God always shows up in our lives at the perfect time, God’s time. 

If we look at the New Testament  Gospels we discover that Jesus never promised us an easy life, but he did promise he would be present with us in the details of our lives. Jesus reminds us that we are called to do the will of the Father regardless of what it leads us through, or whatever suffering we must endure. 

I have learned through a recent spiritual reawakening that God is always present in every single part of our lives. God never forgets his promise of salvation to us. Salvation comes through the love and sacrifice of his only begotten Son, Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior. Through him we receive the promise of a renewed life and are redeemed by his blood. This is God’s promise of complete and unconditional love for each of us. We are all beloved children of God and thus have purpose and meaning in life. I am reminded that God doesn’t make junk. Everything he creates is fundamentally good. So even in the grip of hopeless despair, it’s important to remember that we are all worthy of love, forgiveness and redemption. God will never cast us aside like some putrid garbage.

It’s important to remember as we follow Christ on this spiritual journey, despite the challenges we meet along the way, never mistake God’s silence for his absence. God is with us always, even when we can’t feel his presence. God is stronger than any adversity we may face in this life, or anything that comes against us. Our hope is grounded in our relationship with God. 

Remember during this Christmas season that Jesus was called Emmanuel, which means, “God with us.” If we remain silent in our heart and mind, we will hear the still small voice of God, despite the chaos that ravages the world outside.

As for me, I will not allow my disabilities to define me, for I know in my heart that God is not done with me yet. Take the risk and step out of the dark cave and into the sheer silence and hear the voice of God.