When a Loved One Suffers From Mental Illness

When a loved one suffers from mental illness it is difficult on the entire family, and network of friends. Their behavior is often perceived as rude and destructive. It is hard to separate the person from the illness because the disease comes across in such a personal manner. The loved one may lash out and make hurtful comments to those that care about them. They may act out in an irrational manner that is highly offensive. The person may create chaos that is difficult to understand.

It is easy for us to become aggravated and angry with our loved one. After all their behavior is hurtful and often deeply personal. They make comments directed at us that are perceived as mean and down right spiteful. Their behavior is often outlandish and completely unreasonable, to the point that we want to separate ourselves from them. We often find ourselves lashing out at the person due to hurt feelings and irritation. Of course this does not help the situation, it only aggravates it even more.

A few years ago I had to deal with a person quite close to me who was delusional and having psychotic episodes. Their behavior hurt me in a deeply personal manner. They lashed out at me, babbling total nonsense. They accused me of conspiring against them, and viewed me as a threat. The more I attempted to rationalize with the person the more irrational their behavior became. It was a most frustrating experience and one that took all the spiritual fortitude I had not to lash back out at them. Thank goodness they eventually received treatment for their mental illness, and with good therapy and proper medication they are able to function in the world today. They are once again the kind and loving person God created. But in the mean time, it was a mean time!

It is important during this time of active mental illness to remember that we are not dealing with a “bad” person, but one who is ill and in need of treatment. Despite their destructive behavior it takes sincere patience and love to deal with them. Perhaps the Alcoholics Anonymous saying, “Love the person and hate the disease” may be helpful during these times of emotional and mental stress. The person didn’t ask to be sick, but unfortunately for whatever reason they suffer from mental illness.

The good news is that in the 21^st century we have made great strides to better understand mental and emotional illnesses. Science has produced a variety of medications that genuinely allow the person affected to better function, and live a rational, normal life. Therapy and psychiatric care have come a long way in a relatively short period of time. People are becoming more educated about mental illness. It is no longer perceived as something that should be hidden and isolated from society. It no longer carries the stigma it once did.  As difficult as the illness is on family and friends, it is good to know that there is quality help for our loved one.

I encourage us to have patience with the person and love them despite their behavior. The last thing we need to do is isolate ourselves from them. We may be the only link to the proper medical care they so desperately need.