Mental Illness And Shameful Fear  

Mental Disabilities are all to often looked at as taboo, even in todays modern world. It’s a subject usually best left quiet in our society, especially for those who have a medical mental diagnosis. Those who suffer from various forms and degrees of mental disability are generally afraid to disclose or reveal their struggles due to the stigmatism created by our culture. People diagnosed with cancer or diabetes usually receive sympathy and genuine caring concern, while a person who reveals they have some from of mental illness are sometimes avoided like the plague, or even silently ostracized by the community. Apparently our culture watches way too many psycho thriller horror films created by Hollywood! 

Mental Illness is real, and like it or not exists in our society. Those who suffer from one of these life altering disabilities certainly didn’t ask for it, just like a person diagnosed with cancer didn’t put that disease on their Christmas list either. The brain is an organ just like the heart, liver or kidneys. It can become sick too. Yet those diagnosed with a mental disability often live under a cloud of shame and embarrassment out fear of rejection by others. Revealing a mental disease to an actual or potential employer, friends, family or a relationship is extremely frightening, as well as  intimidating since the reaction one receives in return is usually met with unfounded fear, denial or ambiguity. 

Unlike other illness that affect the body, mental disorders affect our neurological system, creating behavioral type issues. Some disorders even affect the physiological functions of the brain. Like people who suffer from other types of illnesses, those who suffer from mental illness, whether it be psychological, physiological or a combination of both, need compassion, nurturing, love and affirmation as well. It’s often a lonely and dark world for those with mental illness. Society simply doesn’t, or chooses not to understand the daily struggles a person goes through, and the fear of living in a world that views them as something to avoid or condemn. Of course this is not always the case, but it is much more the norm than not. Those who suffer from mental illness often feel like modern day lepers or untouchables.

Mental illness is difficult to live with each and every day. A person who suffers from mental sickness often feels as if they are on the outside of society looking in, and never a part of the life around them. They simply exist silently in a world of hopeless and helpless fear, anxiety and depression, wondering if they will ever experience the slightest form of acceptance. Unfortunately those who suffer from a mental disorder all too often live with that feeling of “Waiting for the next shoe to drop.”

There are many good medications today that are able to treat most mental illnesses, but since everyones brain chemistry is different, finding the right combination of pharmaceuticals and the correct dosages is not easy, and takes time. Often these drugs have undesirable side effects as well. Psychotherapy also plays a major role in learning to live a better and healthier life for the person who suffers from a mental disorder.  Depending on the severity of the illness and the diagnosis, often change is slow as new patterns of thinking need to develop. Change is difficult for many of us that don’t suffer from mental illness, but it is extremely challenging for those who do. At times its like fighting an uphill battle in three feet of mud. It’s slow, messy and takes constant, persistent and exhausting determination.  

Self-Esteem, self-worth and embarrassment are all too often the constant companions of those who are mentally ill. Questions, such as, “Why me?” constantly churn around in their daily thoughts. Loved ones and lifetime partners often don’t know how to accept or cope with their family member’s diagnosis and altered behavior. It is a lonely place when one feels they have little to no support from the ones they love. Sometimes they experience rejection, denial and even divorce. It’s difficult enough to deal with and accept the illness itself, but it is far worse when family members, spouses and close friends don’t understand and tell the person, “There’s nothing wrong with you,” or on the other hand they overreact, and make the person’s illness all about themselves and how it will affect their own lives. This kind of behavior from our loved ones creates so much shame, guilt and confusion for the person who suffers, especially if they are unable to work or continue with normal daily activities or household chores. Real or not, they often feel berated, experience hostile emotions from those close to them or abandoned, destined to a life of remorse, sorrow and pain. It’s a dark and bleak path without the support, compassion and understanding of the ones we love. 

According to the organization Mental Health in America (MIH), 1 in 5 Adults have a mental health condition. That's over 40 million Americans; more than the populations of both New York and Florida combined. 18% of adults in this country have some type of mental illness. Nearly half of those have a co-occuring substance abuse disorder. And 9.6% experience suicidal ideation. 

Those are staggering numbers! But we are not alone. There are many famous people who have accomplished great things in life, feats that have influenced our modern day world. Even in their illness they made great contributions to the fields of art, science, leadership and music and more. For example just to name a few, Abraham Lincoln suffered from severe depression, Steve Jobs suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, General Douglas MacArther was diagnoses with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Marilyn Monroe had Histrionic Personality Disorder, Michelangelo was diagnosed with Autism, Beethoven suffered from Bipolar disorder, writing one of his greatest pieces while in a severe state of mania. Van Gogh suffered from Bipolar Disorder and another great artist Andy Warhol was diagnosed with Autism. These men and women suffered deeply from their mental disorders yet went on to accomplish incredible and influential accomplishments that still influence our society today.

Still mental illness is a thief that often robs those who suffer of their self-worth, faith, identity and hope. Our mental health is important because those who suffer from an illness sometimes fall into the trap of real despair, dark depression, intense anxiety and their lives become one’s of hopeless and meaninglessness existence, with no sense of purpose in life, as well as abysmal emptiness. That’s no way to live, especially when dreams are suddenly shattered, jobs lost, marriages dissolved, financial issues occur and loneliness and despair sets in like never before. To make matters even worse a genuine sense of spiritual destitution occurs,  leaving one hollow in their soul and feeling utterly abandoned by God. 

These are heartbreaking situations, yet feelings that are in fact a reality for many who suffer from mental illness. There are those too in society who feel sorry for those with mental disorders, but usually do very little to show genuine compassion, affirmation or outreach. An, “I’ll keep you in my prayers often just doesn’t cut it.” People have their own lives to live and those who can’t keep up because they are mentally impaired are left behind, cast by the wayside, left feeling desperate, hopeless and helpless. Shame and remorse become a way of life, capped by a sense of self-loathing and personal failure.

Abandoned in a bleak world is no way to live. While resources for many mental illnesses are available, they are few and far between. For many of us who have mental disorders, it’s a harsh and lonely world that we exist in on a daily, even hourly basis. And while not all mental illnesses lead down this road, many do and those who exist in this world suffer in harsh silence.

Finding that Peace in Jesus we all Crave

When we observe healthy traditions in our lives, it helps us preserve healthy values. Life is full of chaos and turmoil. We encounter hardships and challenges every day of our lives. Whether it be personal in nature, professional of or merely due to illness, it is important to remember that there isn’t enough room in our lives for both chaos and peace. Each day we must make the decision regarding which one we choose, peace or chaos. 

Often we think peace is something that just magically manifests itself in our lives through aimless prayer. When it doesn’t we often feel dejected, disappointed or even angry. Real peace isn’t the result of doing less or trying harder. Rather real peace is the result of simply trusting more and more in Jesus. This means we need to give everything to Christ, our whole lives and beings. Perhaps we suffer from the pain of a broken relationship or loss of a marriage, the struggles or termination of a job, or even an expected medical diagnosis that leads to disability or the facing of life’s finality. 

God brings peace. Anything we try to substitute for his peace will surely bring chaos into our lives. Speaking the name of Jesus brings the peace we all seek. By his name God assures us we will find deep and abiding love and peace within our hearts. In Jesus’ name we are promised healing, hope and blessed freedom from those things that weigh on our lives.

It is important to understand as we begin to travel this road with Christ, that peace doesn’t mean the absence of pain. However, the peace we find in God is a power that is much greater than our pain. In order to have an abundant and healthy spiritual life, one that brings us peace, we must find a power greater than ourselves. That power is Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior. 

Through sincere and intentional prayer we allow God to look at our hearts. He already knows our greatest needs, as well as our hopeless cries for help. God understands the depths of our despair and what our souls most desperately need. Jesus knows our hearts. When we turn to Christ, everything that haunts or disturbs our lives will break and smash against the mighty name of Jesus. So remember, Jesus will come to our aid in time of need , sorrow or despair. While our desires may not turn out exactly how we envision or pray, one thing we are guaranteed, through the love and sacrifice or Jesus, we will find eternal peace, 

Christmas and the Love and Joy of Jesus, God Incarnate

During World War One, the British and the Germans were fighting in France using dreadful trench warfare. On Christmas Eve of 1916, a hush lay over the battle ravaged land, a place of massive destruction and desolation. It represented man kinds brokenness and hatefulness at its worst. Yet on this special night all was serial and quiet. Both warring sides had simply, spontaneously and without truce taken a break from the fighting while worshipping the Christ Child in their own manner. 

In the middle of the night a small portion of the British troops, embedded in their trenches began to sing the well known hymn, “Silent Night.” As they quietly sang the hymn, unbeknownst to them their melodic voices drifted across no mans land and was heard by the German soldiers in the opposite trenches. Moved by the Holy Spirit, the German soldiers began singing the same hymn, but in their own language. The two languages and faithful Christian voices blended together across the ravaged and desolate battle field where so many good men on both sides had given their lives. Moved by the love of God and raising a flag of truce, the German soldiers quietly crept across no mans land and joined their brothers in Christ, their enemy, the British soldiers in their trench. All night they sang hymns together and worshipped the Christ Child. Two supposed enemies sworn to kill the other celebrated Christmas together.

At dawn, the German soldiers crept back across no mans land and back into their own trenches. Interestingly the next day the fighting resumed. But these once vowed enemies who had so genuinely celebrated the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ the night before, couldn’t and wouldn’t shoot at the other. Rather they both fired their weapon over the others head. Both units were eventually moved and restationed as it became obvious to their commanders something was amiss. The love and light of the Christ Child had touched their hearts and brought them true peace and love for one another. That’s what God does for us when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable enough to receive that holy love.

This is what Christmas is truly about. It’s not about all of the presents, parties and other festivities. It’s about the love of God Incarnate, breaking into this world in the form of a vulnerable human baby. This babe also called in Isaiah, as “The Prince of Peace.” brought joy, peace and love into this world. He radiated such a loving light that he even brought sworn enemies together to celebrate his birth, thus transforming their lives forever. 

Many of us feel alone and sad at Christmas. Perhaps we are by ourselves or have bad memories of the past. Maybe addiction, divorce or sheer loneliness causes us to hate this season. Yet remember, Christ came into this world to redeem the world. He came into this world to bring peace, “The Peace of God which passeth all understanding.”  If we allow ourselves to enter into the holy light of Jesus, we will find peace, and experience the true nature of love and healing in the broken cracks and fissures in our hearts. All we have to do is cross over that vast waste and void we call no mans land.

In that tiny stable tucked way in the business of life we will experience a profound spiritual transformation and spiritual renewal in our lives. Even amongst the chaos and difficulties of life and this world. God calls us to be ambassadors of his name. He calls us to do the often unthinkable, love our neighbors as ourselves. We don’t get to choose our neighbor. 

This is my simple and humble Christmas message to all who chose to read this piece. God is truly love, and God loves you whether you feel it or not. This Christmas stop, and lay down your inner weapons and defenses in life. You are not alone. Let the redeeming, healing and peaceful light of Christ flow over you body, into your mind, and move deeply into your broken heart and soul. For Jesus came into this world to save, redeem, renew and our lives. He brings our hearts true peace, love and  joy. All we have to do is simply lay down our arms, put our flailing trust and faith in God’s promise through his Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, and walk into the light we find in that manger.

I close with a verse from the prophet Isaiah which I hope will give those who are especially struggling right now hope and assurance. “Fear not for I am with you, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

I wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas, and may the light of Christ penetrate the darkness that surrounds you, bringing you hope, love, and renewed life. Remember Jesus was called Emmanuel, meaning “God with us” Jesus later promised he would be with us until the end of the age. Walk into the light. Christ is patiently waiting to embrace you in his loving and healing arms. May God bless each of you today, tomorrow and always.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. John+ 

Finding God in the Darkness of Life

I thought I had arrived. Twenty four years ago I pulled myself up against all odds out of an alcoholic hell, and made something of my life. I had a profound spiritual awakening and experience in those early days of sobriety, one that completely transformed my life in an incredible and life altering manner. Then several years ago without warning, while living happily in the light of the Spirit, in an instant that light disappeared in a cloud of dense, black darkness that descended upon me like an impenetrable veil. Living in a world of utter darkness, absent of God’s light is an excruciatingly painful, and a deeply lonely existence. It leaves a desolate void and a feeling of total emptiness inside one’s soul.

The world in which I found myself was one of hopelessness and helplessness. I tried to pray, meditate and read inspirational literature but they were all to no avail. Life became dismal and meaningless. I sought God in the blackness but there was no response or light, only the sound of my desperate pleas for help and relief. My spiritual grounding and foundation were gone in the blink of an eye, and I felt as if I were merely drifting aimlessly in a sea of darkness and despair with no anchor.

I usually avoid writing about myself and personal challenges, but in this case I break my anonymity in hopes of reaching out to those who suffer as I have, in order to let them know that there is hope despite the emptiness. God still exists in those dark places in our lives as I would eventually discover. 

We all need hope, meaning and purpose in our lives. They provide us with joy, fulfillment and happiness. Yet life often seems cruel and unfair. We all have issues and demons we have to fight and try to overcome. When we are not spiritually grounded and become overwhelmed by life’s cruelty, we feel lost; personally, professionally and spiritually. That is a terrible existence. In my life, the hopelessness, helplessness and darkness seemed so overwhelming at one point, that I stood in my driveway at 12am in the morning wondering if life was worth living. Who needs all of this pain and suffering every single day of their life? My whole world had become overwhelmingly dark and hopeless. Where was God in all of this? Why didn’t God  answer my prayers, or at least give me some sign he was at least listening? I had no desire to live anymore. Self-loathing and hate festered and grew in my heart and soul. As the darkness descended, the tears of anguish flowed down my cheeks. I felt utterly alone and abandoned. I was in the vice grip of mania, anxiety, depression, sorrow and overwhelming fear. Regret and remorse were overpowering as my spirit slowly sank into the abysmal depths of despair. I simply resigned myself to a life of deep misery.

Something unexpected soon occurred. Out of seemly nowhere, I remembered Elijah in I Kings 19. Having run from King Ahab and Jezebel in order to save his own life, he found himself fleeing all the way from Northern Israel to hiding out at Mt. Horeb (Mt Sinai) on the Sinai peninsula (Egypt). Tired, feeling abandoned by God and full of self-centered fear and doubt, he hid in a dark, dank cave on the holy mountain. God then sent a strong wind that cracked and broke rocks. Then he sent a fire storm followed by an earthquake. In all of that crashing wind, blazing storm and earth shaking, Elijah never heard the voice of God despite his desperate prayers. It was only afterwards in the sheer silence when he stepped out of the dark cave that Elijah heard the voice of God. Unexpectedly and suddenly spiritually renewed, he went on to become Israel’s greatest prophet and moved about without fear, worry or doubt. He was filled with God’s Spirit, and realized God never abandoned him. We too must step out of those dark, dank caves and meet God in order to hear his voice and feel his Spirit. We too must take courage to trust God enough to to listen to his voice that often tells us what we don’t want to hear.

God speaks to us so much like Elijah. It is important to remember that God is always present in our lives despite life’s unfairness and difficulties. We just have to listen, not with our ears but with our hearts. If we do, like Elijah, hope will rise up out of the ashes of our lives. We discover that hope is grounded in faithful and joyful determination to persevere in life, knowing that God is with us even in the empty silence. Sometimes God doesn’t give us what we want or desire because he is developing and forging our character. But it is important to remember despite life’s hardships, God always shows up in our lives at the perfect time, God’s time. 

If we look at the New Testament  Gospels we discover that Jesus never promised us an easy life, but he did promise he would be present with us in the details of our lives. Jesus reminds us that we are called to do the will of the Father regardless of what it leads us through, or whatever suffering we must endure. 

I have learned through a recent spiritual reawakening that God is always present in every single part of our lives. God never forgets his promise of salvation to us. Salvation comes through the love and sacrifice of his only begotten Son, Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior. Through him we receive the promise of a renewed life and are redeemed by his blood. This is God’s promise of complete and unconditional love for each of us. We are all beloved children of God and thus have purpose and meaning in life. I am reminded that God doesn’t make junk. Everything he creates is fundamentally good. So even in the grip of hopeless despair, it’s important to remember that we are all worthy of love, forgiveness and redemption. God will never cast us aside like some putrid garbage.

It’s important to remember as we follow Christ on this spiritual journey, despite the challenges we meet along the way, never mistake God’s silence for his absence. God is with us always, even when we can’t feel his presence. God is stronger than any adversity we may face in this life, or anything that comes against us. Our hope is grounded in our relationship with God. 

Remember during this Christmas season that Jesus was called Emmanuel, which means, “God with us.” If we remain silent in our heart and mind, we will hear the still small voice of God, despite the chaos that ravages the world outside.

As for me, I will not allow my disabilities to define me, for I know in my heart that God is not done with me yet. Take the risk and step out of the dark cave and into the sheer silence and hear the voice of God.

Mountain Top Renewal

There is something beautiful, majestic and spiritually liberating being up in the Colorado, Rocky Mountains. There is a mystical and spiritual feeling of liberation, freedom and vibrancy. In that high altitude and thin air, one tends to lose and become unencumbered from life’s burdens that exist down below. They simply fall by the wayside the higher we climb, and are lost in the incredible array of beauty found in the vast, untouched and wild landscape. Overwhelming gratitude and a genuine sense of God’s presence  grows stronger, driving out the heaviness of life’s daily worries and challenges. The stress, anxiety, fear, doubt and depression that often haunt or lurk in our lives simply dissipate. Rather, in that incredible mountain space there is a renewal of hope, a brighter and clearer outlook on life and a since of freedom that can only be described as spiritually rich and profound.

Mountain top experiences are nothing new. Throughout the ages they have influenced and transformed the lives of many people, both figuratively and literally. On Mount Horeb during biblical times, the great prophet Elijah had a profound encounter with God that changed his spiritual life and outlook forever. Horeb, also known as Mount Sinai, is where Elijah learned how to listen and trust the voice of God that came to him in sheer silence. This divine encounter empowered his faith to such a degree that he overcame his fears, and with unencumbered zeal he descended back into the world to become the greatest Old Testament prophet ever known. He couldn’t stay on the mountain forever. He had to go back down into his world, a place full of spiritual draught, danger, hardship, fear, worry and pestilence. Yet Elijah left all of his fear, self-doubt and insecurity on top of that mountain, placing them in the freeing hand of God.

Can we imagine gaining that kind of trust in God? To trust in him enough to let go of our own fears, doubts and anxieties? To have the faith and willingness to place daily worries in God’s hand, and move forward with our lives unencumbered and unrestrained? On that mountain top where life is transforming, it’s easy for us to say yes. But do we have the spiritual fortitude to continue to trust God and the willingness to take our mountain top encounter down into the world? Can we leave the wreckage of our past on that mountain and allow God to use our very shortcomings to transfigure our lives, making them far more useful, healthy and vibrant than ever before?

In the high altitude of the Rocky’s where the sky is so blue that it is almost purple I found a sense of peace and joy that I had not felt in many a year. The autumn foliage contrasting against the white virgin snow, lakes, craggy rocks and evergreen trees only added to the beauty that my soul experienced. It moved my spirit deep within me. God’s presence was real and his beauty profound. There was a freedom and healing that made my heart beat in a soothing rhythm for the first time in a long while.  

While those images will remain with me forever, I still had to come back down into the world and walk back into my life. As soon as I strode out of the Atlanta airport I was hit by a wall of reality in the form of Georgia humidity. Yet like Elijah there is still with me that peace of God which passes all understanding that I found in the sheer silence of those incredible and beautiful mountains.  

We can’t run away or hide from the reality and problems in life. All we can do is take those occasional mountain top experiences and use them to boost our spirits in order to cope with the reality of who we are as people, and what kinds of challenges we will face in the world each day. Our mountains cannot become hideouts. We can’t stay there forever. Like Elijah, when we go up, we must inevitably descend. It is what we experience up there that we bring down with us, and hopefully leave behind our burdens and those things that cause our lives turmoil and unrest. God’s peace meets us on the mountain top, but it is up to us to carry it with us into the world below. There is a hymn, and its last verse ends with these lovely words,  “The peace of God it is no peace but strife cast in the sod, but brother pray for just one thing, the marvelous peace of God.”

Grief, God’s Healing Storm Bringer

When Grief hits us, and believe me it impacts us all eventually, it strikes like a tornado whose path no one can predict. It packs a swirling wind velocity that varies in strength and power. Sometimes we see it coming, but often times it strikes with incredible force absent of any warning at all. Perhaps the sirens in our heart and mind are going off, yet we are powerless to do anything except brace for impact.

The painful winds of grief however are a natural human emotion brought on usually by some sort of loss. Perhaps its the sudden and unexpected death of a loved one, a pet or another kind of death, divorce and the dissipation of a marriage. With tragedy and brokenness comes grief, and like a tornado, we can’t predict its path, power or when or where it will touch down in our lives. However, one thing we know for certain, grief brings a deep sense of loss, hurt and pain, hitting us at the very core of our beings.

There are those who believe that there are specific stages in grief that we process in a methodical manner. However, this is not necessarily true. We vacillate between emotions in no certain order. We may even think we are finished grieving our loss only to be surprised at it’s unexpected onset once again. We may feel nothing for months, only to have grief rare its untimely head and knock us to our emotional knees. Anger may arise only to be followed by a bout of deep depression, guilt and emotional turmoil. Time may pass by and something as simple as a song on the radio may trigger painful emotions and heartache. 

Grief is like an emotional tornado in our lives, and even though it feels destructive and causes much pain, emptiness, loss and fear, that’s not it’s purpose at all. While it is certainly most unpleasant, and seemingly rips our lives apart, grief is actually God’s divine gift to us so that we might heal and move forward with life. Jesus said, “Life is for the living, not the dead.” He also said, “Let the dead bury the dead.” He’s telling us to move on and let the past be the past, and live our lives to their fullest in the present. Thus the true purpose of grief is to restore us to wholeness, strengthen our well being and bring the light of God’s healing grace into our broken hearts and mangled souls. As difficult as it is, grief is necessary component in our healing process. It provides us with a way to deal with and overcome the hurt and genuine loss we have experienced. It drives those painful emotions through us so that we may come through the storm and learn to live our lives again. 

However, the danger with grief comes when we become stuck in what is called morbid grief. This is when we refuse to let go of our loss, whatever it may be, and live in a perpetual cycle of unhealthy remorse, refusing to let go of our sorrow and pain. This is a vicious cycle we must all avoid. 

On Mount Horeb the prophet Elijah called out to God in loneliness, remorse, fear and despair as he was running from King Ahab and Jezzabel. He had just slain all of their false prophets and was now in hiding, experiencing emptiness, doubt and self-pity. He told God that he was the only true prophet left in all of Israel, and he was all alone. Elijah felt abandoned and was experiencing a sense of overwhelming grief. God then sent a mighty wind that cracked rocks, but God’s voice was not in the wind. God sent a storm of fire, but God’s voice was not in the fire. God sent a major earthquake, but God’s voice was not in the earthquake. Then there was sheer silence. It was in that silence that Elijah heard and experienced God. God’s presence in our grief is the same. We experience major earth shattering catastrophes in the very essence of our souls due to our loss, but it is in the sheer silence and stillness of our hearts that we suddenly feel God’s loving and healing presence. Like Elijah, in our grief we may not feel the presence of God, but God is there, speaking silent but healing words of love into our broken hearts.

It’s important for us to know that  it is absolutely alright and normal to cry, to hurt, to feel pain and loss. That is part of the healing process we must go through when we experience a serious loss in our lives. Its OK to grieve and carry those beautiful memories of days past with us. But God has given us a precious gift called life, and it is best lived with hope for a brighter today as well as tomorrow. Despite its hardships life is short, and we are blessed with God’s healing love and opportunity to live each and every day to its fullest, regardless of the unwelcome tornadoes that surface and ravage the landscape of our hearts.

Out of the Darkness of Chaos and Into the Light of Life

In the beginning there was nothing but darkness and chaos that made up time and space. But God reached out into the blackness and disorder and created structure and order. God created all that we know in this world as well as the vast mystery of the universe. With his word, or a stroke of his divine hand chaos was transformed from meaningless matter into meaningful existence. No longer did chaos exist in God’s holy creation, but order, structure, meaning, purpose and life.

As human beings we are an important part of God’s creation. Therefore, whether we realize it or not, having been created in the image of God, we to crave order and structure in our lives. Yet we live in a world and society that is full of chaos and uncertainty. The time and age we currently live is filled with fear, doubt, anxiety and uncertainty. This has the overwhelming potential to create sheer chaos in our daily lives. Just as disturbing chaos exists in many of our homes, relationships and work places. No wonder we are a society that  is full of addictive and unhealthy behaviors. Without some form of spiritual grounding, this world threatens our peace and serenity, causing all forms of chaotic and sick behavior. Rather than live our life with thoughtful responses, we live lives of impulsive reactions. Chaos leads to fear, and fear leads to unpredictable and selfish coping methods.

Living a life in total chaos is a terrible way to exist. When we can find no order in our lives, our tendency is to self impose order that is usually unhealthy and self-destructive. We all need a purpose in life. We all seek personal meaning and fulfillment as well. We all seek structure and order. Yet when another person, or perhaps some other outside source imposes chaos into our lives we lose our sense of being and question our sanity. This is an ugly, dark and dim place to abide. For out of imposed chaos we begin to question ourselves and lose our sense of being and identity. All forms of spiritual disease such as anger, resentment and self-loathing arise out of that dark, chaotic nothingness that infects our lives with an overwhelming feeling of dread and insecurity. We feel abandoned, isolated and even worthless. When there is no light of hope, chaos casts us further down the scale into the bowels of despair. It is in this pitch black and utterly dark place that our lives unravel, and become unmanageable. There is a nasty toxicity that prevails. Human beings don’t function well, if at all when living in an environment filled with chaos. 

Looking to God and trusting him is the key to our release from the darkness and reckless abysmal pit of churning chaos. The Psalmist writes, “(God) You are a lamp to my feet, and a light unto my path.” Ps. 119: 105. A spiritual life is key in escaping a life of unhealthy and chaotic behavior. Breaking away and allowing God’s holy light into our lives restores sanity, hope and structure. Jesus goes on to say in the Gospel of Matthew, “the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.”  These are powerful and hopeful words. We have a choice! We don’t have to exist in a life full of untamed darkness and chaotic behavior. The light of Christ is so bright that no darkness can withstand its brilliance. It is here, in a renewed spiritual life that we find order, which brings us peace of heart, mind and soul. Yet we have to truly desire that light and invite it into our hearts, prayers and daily life. 

God will reach out to us and transform our lives from complete chaos to an ordered and healthy existence. As our relationship with him grows we will begin to see chaos’ true nature, and wince it came. We will recoil from it like a hot flame as well as the people, places or things that brought chaos into our lives in the first place.

The love of God is endless and that love is not random or chaotic. It is real, ordered and tangible. There is hope in the chaos of our lives and God will restore us to a life of health, structure, boundaries and goodness. We simply have to ask God to pull us out of the dark and all consuming chaos and restore us to him. In I Peter 2: 9, the writer of the Epistle says, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness (Chaos) into his wonderful light.”

The love of God is immeasurable and his willingness to care for us in all situations is unquestionable. So invite and allow God’s holy grace to penetrate the dark chaos of our lives, and liberate us from a life of total despair and self-destruction. It is then that we will find a purpose and meaning in our lives that far exceeds any expectation we may have ever had. 

Surviving in the Pit of despair

The prophet Jeremiah, refusing to stop prophesying God’s words to his people, found himself mercilessly thrown into a muddy and dark pit by the ruler of his day. Jeremiah defiantly said he would prefer to remain in that pit of despair rather than disobey his God. But I am certain that he wasn't happy about his situation. Yet he remained faithful despite life’s uncontrollable challenges.

How often do we find ourselves in that same muddy pit of despair of hopelessness? It’s an awful place to exist, despite our faith and hope in God. For some of us who have no faith or perhaps struggle to keep it, life becomes an even darker hell. Deep pits of despair are unfortunately a part of life. Without hope and the faithful assurance in a Power greater than ourselves, we feel perpetually stuck in the rancid mire, and utter darkness of that insurmountable hole.  

Life is full of pits and deep holes that we inevitably find ourselves stumbling and falling into, sometimes on a regular basis. Unlike Jeremiah however, whether circumstances in our personal lives landed us there, or someones actions pushed us there, its important to remember we don’t have remain there. The choice is ours.

I personally know that dark, dank and slimy pit all too well. Over the past several years my life has been a train wreck of one pitfall after another.  I actually got to the point where I even lost my faith in God, the church and humanity in general. The pit I found myself in was all to real, and escape seemed impossible and completely hopeless. I even asked myself, “What’s the point of even living anymore if this hopelessness and despair is all I have to wake up to each day?” It was and still is a dark time in my life, but renewed faith has begun to bring a shimmer of hope and a glimmer of light. I cling to that slight hope with a vice grip like hold. It’s all I have to keep me going each and everyday. 

Yet I know, as  well as so many others, that there is a way out of that pit of despair. It’s called selflessness. Getting outside oneself and helping others. There is a spiritual strength that comes from thinking less of ourself and our own problems, and turning our attention to others who suffer and are in desperate need of help. Selflessness frees us spiritually from the bondage of self, and the pit that we often find ourselves not so much stuck in, rather more like wallowing in our self-consumed sorrow and despair. Thinking of ourselves less makes more space for God to exist within us. 

The Apostle Paul wrote, “If God is for us, who can be against us.” In other words, life is life. It shows up and there is little we can do to control whatever turmoil it may bring. Yet if God is with us, there is always sure and certain hope, as well as a spiritual freedom, despite our circumstances. Our spiritual connection to God and willingness to let go of self is the rope that will pull us out of life’s pits of despair and desperation. Thus, remaining in that wretched pit becomes optional.

A Life Void of the Spirit

The Rev. John West

July 30, 2017

Life is so empty without God. Life is so hollow and seemly meaningless when we are totally void of spirituality. Life has no purpose without that spiritual connection to a Power greater than ourselves. We easily and quickly lose sight of who we are as a person, as well as our self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. When we place all of our being, completely relying on another person, a place or even our job to serve as our identity, life can quickly spiral into an abyss of hopelessness and despair. This is especially true when we no longer have any or all of those external factors to rely upon, or use to define us as a person. Life has a cruel streak. People we love unexpectedly leave us, geographical cures or wealth rarely, if ever are an answer and jobs can dissipate in the blink of an eye.  It is in those type situations that we discover we no longer have the capacity, inner strength or resolve to meet the daily challenges of life, especially when real hardship and unexpected, painful situations arise.

Remorse and regret often become our worse enemy. Without a well maintained spiritual life we are quickly swept out into a sea of desperation and self-destructive despair, as if we are caught or trapped in a dangerous and relentless undertow. We then question, “Where is God in all of this?” or “Why me God?” But since our relationship with God has suffered, we are spiritually depleted of all since of his presence. In our calling out to God, all we hear in return is spiritual silence, and the overwhelming sound of our own internal pain. Caught up in ourselves and focusing on our relentless agony without a firm and strong spiritual foundation is a living hell, and intense nightmare of hopeless desperation and utter darkness.

I’ve walked this dark road and know the sheer feelings of abandonment and loneliness. It is a terrible and cruel path. But it is important to remember, as I discovered, God never left me, I allowed myself to lapse into a spiritual malady, and ultimately it was me who quit communicating and consistently, yet subtly forgot to do the things necessary to build a life based on a deeper relationship with God. My life had become nothing more than a house of cards, ready to collapse at the first sign of adversity. Sheer and utter grief, remorse and regret suddenly overwhelmed me, and I had no skill set or firm spiritual faith to cope with life’s immense tragedies. I then knew loneliness and a darkness like no other.

The question the arises, “Is there still hope?” Absolutely! In the world of recovery there is a saying, “Let go and let God.” This sounds way easier said than done, but it is the first step in either regaining that spiritual life, or perhaps starting one for the first time. A strong spiritual relationship with God is certainly not renewed over night. After all, we have lived a life based on self-will and self-reliance for a long time. Yet God never gives up on us. God never abandons us. God is there waiting for us to reach out to him, just as he is reaching out to us. It is only then that true spiritual healing and reliance can begin to occur and take shape in our lives.

In his letter to the Romans, Paul tells us that, “The Spirit helps us in our weakness.” He goes on to explain that nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God. Those are encouraging words and good news for those of us who feel lost and tossed about on a sea of hopeless despair. The Apostle once again gives us hope by telling us, “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him (Christ Jesus) who loved us.”  In other words, when we become willing to turn our life and will over to the care of God and accept ourselves and situations for what they are, it is then that we begin to restore that relationship, and our feet become more settled on solid spiritual ground.

Life is lovely and a gift, yet it is also filled with treacherous potholes and pits that are easy to fall into at times. Yet it is through our trust, faith and gratitude for what God has, and will continue to do for us in this life that allows us to conquer our selfishness and blind self-centered behavior. 

When our identity is based on our relationship with God and not human or tangible things in this world, although we will still know suffering, pain and loss, we will intuitively know that there is a way forward. That is God’s gift and love for us. All we have to do is to remain in conscience contact with God, trusting that no matter what he will never desert us, and will always dispel the darkness.

Cutting away the Past, a Heavy and Burdensome Anchor

How often do we cling to the past with regret, remorse, guilt, grief or even nostalgia? The past is like a heavy and relentless anchor that when embraced and continually lived and wallowed in, becomes a heavy and unhealthy weight that keeps us from living life in today. Living in the past keeps us from moving forward in this precious life God has so richly and benevolently blessed us. Life is a gift that is meant to be lived with joy and anticipation of good things to come, not mired down in burdensome grief, remorse, loss or painful memories of days past. Yet we are human beings, and we struggle with life and difficult situations, hurts, pains, loss and memories that often haunt us. It is easy for us to live with regret, remorse, guilt and self-blame. It’s our human nature to have these feelings, and that is why we need to turn to God. Paul tells us in his letter to the Ephesians, “In Christ all things are possible.”

In I Peter 5: 8, the writer reminds us of Christ’s unconditional love for each of us. He writes, “ Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.” These profound and loving words give us hope in times of darkness and despair. They remind us that God loves us and that we don’t have to allow the past to destroy today. They give us comfort that Jesus is present with us in the here and now. However, we have to cut the rope that relentlessly ties us to the past in order to fully feel and know his presence. We can give and offer up all of our regrets, sorrows, remorse and spiritual sickness that are directly connected to yesterday to Christ, and he will relieve us of our burdens and heal our hearts.

Interestingly that same passage also refers to the “Evil One” who prowls around like a lion waiting to devour us. Living in the past will devour and ultimately destroy us, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and eventually physically. Often we allow ourselves to become consumed by the “what if’s,” and the “should haves, would haves and could haves.” In reality, those shameful thoughts are equivalent to chasing our tails which of course we will never catch. We simply live our lives in a vicious and unhealthy cycle or circle. Letting go and giving ourselves wholly, humbly and completely to the loving care of God is our way out of the dark and dank wilderness of yesterday. 

Let’s face it, we all make mistakes, bad decisions and poor choices in life. Some of us even relish and desire the “glory days” of our past, wishing to relive them. That’s called being human. I’m certainly guilty of all these, but beating myself up constantly or obsessively desiring to relive the “good old days” only serves to make me sick and live in a self-made hell of denial. Yet by living in this cycle, I will never experience the gifts and life found in today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is but a dream. All I really have is today. I can’t afford to beat myself up and chase the “What if’’s” or “Should haves” of the past. That only serves to make my life miserable today and creates anxiety, self-doubt and depression that flows over into tomorrow.

For some of us breaking the cycle of living in the past is extremely challenging and difficult, but not impossible. Learning to set mental and emotional boundaries, as well as  seeking a stronger and closer relationship to God is key. Self-awareness and holding ourselves accountable for our choices and actions today are an important part of cutting the obsession of longing for yesterday. Sometimes we just have to pray for the, “willingness to be willing.” 

Don’t be devoured by the roaring lion who prowls in the dark crevasses and creases of our brokenness, seeking to destroy our lives. Rather, allow the light and healing grace of God to flow through us and caress those broken, wounded and infected sores of yesterday. Allow the love and tender mercy of Christ to cut that binding rope and loose that heavy anchor that keeps us stuck in remorse, regret and self-blame. 

It is important to remember that we are never alone in this life, although there are times in which it certainly feels that way. Jesus promised the disciples before his ascension into heaven and to the Father, “He would be with them until the end of the ages.” So too will he be with us right here, right now in this very moment, today. Let go of the past for it is but a memory that we cannot change, and embrace the life we are given in the here and now.