Insecurity and the Loss of Faith

In the mid 1980’s and early 1990’s I personally struggled with faith. Having gone through a divorce, the loss of my father and job changes I not only questioned God, but began to compare myself to my peers whose lives seemed together. Intense fear crept into my life and with it, the feeling of insecurity and self-doubt. It was a truly difficult time in my life in which my self-worth was at an all time low. I struggled deeply with faith as the feelings of fear and insecurity grew ever stronger. I needed help but didn’t know where to turn. God seemed uncaring and distant.  I attended church but found no relief. My prayer life was nonexistent as I soon forgot how to even pray. It was a time of deep suffering and turmoil. My mind was like a busy highway, never ceasing to stop or rest. My sleep was shallow at best, as I lay awake at night wondering how my life ever got to this point. What I didn’t realize was that out of this struggle a deeper and richer faith would soon blossom, but I had to traverse the avenue of suffering and pain first.

We live in a world in which faith has become fragile for many. With the economy in poor shape, people out of work, the demise of the Middle Class, and personal struggles, many of us are left feeling insecure and doubtful. We live in an ever-changing world that creates uncertainty and stress for many of us. Perhaps we even find ourselves feeling inferior and lost.

It takes courage to have faith, especially in times of personal crisis. Fear is the old adversary that constantly seeks to find a home in our hearts and minds. When given into, fear becomes our worst enemy, causing us to feel out of control and even hopeless at times. The smallest bumps we encounter in life seem like mountains. Questions run through our minds and spirits, “How will I get through this situation?

Why me? Where is God in all of this pain?” When the inferiority and insecurity sets in, life seems all that more difficult. We lose sight of God’s beautiful creation and the blessings in our lives and simply want to go away and hide.  

Jesus experienced these same feelings on the night before he was crucified. He asked the Father to please remove this cup from his lips. He was so upset that the Gospel of John tells us he sweated blood. Yet despite the silence of God the Father, Jesus said, “Thy will be done.”

Can we say the same in our times of struggle and turmoil? It is hard to loosen our grip on control. It is difficult to accept any future other than what we desire in our minds. Yet by doing so we are exercising faith. God calls us to turn our lives and will over to him. Jesus desperately asks us to allow him to carry our burdens.

I eventually came to a point in which I could bear the pain no longer. In desperation I finally gave in and said, “God, I surrender. My way doesn’t work. Thy will be done.” As my relationship with God grew inch by inch I began to pray with much more ease. I ceased fighting God and everything else in my life and found a glimmer of hope which I desperately latched a hold. Things that seemed so large and unmanageable in my life soon transformed into smaller attainable goals. I allowed myself to go through the grief process and found that God was with me the whole way, even when times seemed uncomfortable and desperate. As my faith began to return the fear slowly diminished and I quit comparing myself to everyone and everything. I found myself simply letting go and letting God be in control of my life. I learned that God spoke to me the loudest in his silence. For silence is the language of God.

When traversing the road of life we are always going to encounter people and situations that cause us to question our faith. That is just a part of life. This is why it is important to continually turn our lives over to God. God will do for us what we can’t do for ourselves if we simply have faith and believe. The feelings of insecurity and inferiority will lessen the more we learn to trust God. 

It is important to remember that Jesus walked this same path of doubt. Jesus experienced everything that we have experienced and more. He knows our suffering and pain. All he asks is that we give him our worries and doubts, and allow him to lessen our burdens.

Acceptance, A True Virtue

Acceptance is a virtue that many of us struggle with on a daily basis. Situations arise in life that we simply don’t wish to accept. And sometimes we are completely justified in our thoughts.

The author of I Timothy tells us, “The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the foremost.” Life is not perfect and we are going to encounter people, places, things, and situations that are hard for us to accept.  We all fall short of God’s grace, and life is often unfair and cruel. We are all sinners and make mistakes in life. Yet that is why Christ came into the world, to save us from our sins. This requires full acceptance, although we often are more than ready to point out the shortcomings of our neighbors, or even belittle ourselves.

The problem with acceptance however is when unthinkable and horrendous acts take place that affect us in a deeply mental, emotional and spiritual manner. 911 comes to mind. The acts of those terrorists and the number of lives they took on that dreadful morning is something I struggle with constantly. When innocent children are harmed in any way I find that hard to accept as well. God doesn’t intend for these things to happen. Yet they still occur. How can we make peace with those awful situations?

Then of course there are regular people and their thoughts and actions that we struggle to accept. How do we deal with our emotions towards those we find ourselves in complete disagreement or dislike?

Somehow we must find a way to cope with people and circumstances. Accepting people for who they are despite our differences is important to our spiritual lives. As far as circumstances we need to realize that they are usually out of our control. If we don’t make some sort of peace within ourselves then our anger festers and turns into resentment. While anger is a perfectly legitimate emotion, left unchecked we become spiritually ill, thus blotting out the light of the Holy Spirit. In many ways resentment paralyzes us and doesn’t allow us to move forward in life. There is no bridge to God or the peace he brings us. A life full of resentment is a life of misery and infinitely grave.

Does this mean that tragic events caused by radicalized or criminally sick people are acceptable? No, it doesn’t. Some actions can’t be tolerated, but we have to find a way to personally go on living life to the best of our ability. Sometimes we simply have to accept situations and people’s actions for what they are, and realize that these incidents are part of what it means to live in a broken and sinful world. Acceptance does not mean that we validate or support their actions. The key however, is to avoid a life of deep seeded resentment. Whether it is an individual or a circumstance, know matter how angry we become there is often little we can do to change the situation or the person. Therefore we must accept the person or situation for what they are, and then pray for the ability to move forward in life with the ability to cope.

Brother Curtis Almquist of the Society of Saint John the Evangelist writes, “If this is a season of your life where you are lost, take enormous comfort. Jesus will find his way to you. Jesus bridges the way to us and to the God whom he calls Father.” Resentment leaves no room for Christ in our lives. Acceptance is the bridge that leads us to peace of mind and heart. God will be our great comforter in distress. We simply have to avoid building walls of resentment so Jesus is able to come to us, and bring us healing, peace and acceptance.

Living By Faith

Living by faith is often a challenge. Yet as believers we are called to live a God centered life, a life that places our trust in God. It is easy to have faith in God when everything in our life is smooth and unruffled. But faith is tested when we experience adversity in life. Thus it is vital to our faith and trust in God to cultivate an ongoing relationship with Christ. The more we give of ourselves to God the easier it is to traverse the rough patches of life. This requires a life committed to continuous prayer and acceptance.

We are demanding creatures who want what we want. In other words we like to be in control. Our human ego often tells us that we know what is best for our lives. Thank goodness this is not true. God knows what is best for us, even though we may often question God. When we experience difficulties in life we frequently question God. We occasionally find ourselves actually blaming God for the hardships we encounter. But life is filled with challenges, despair and difficulties. Life is often unfair and downright hard. If we have a drive by kind of faith we will struggle all the more. This is why an ongoing prayerful life is so important. When the challenges arise (and they will) we are better spiritually equipped to deal with them since we know that God is with us and in control. All we have to do is turn our lives and will over to God and have the trust that God will see us through no matter what the end result.  

Faith is something that needs to be cultivated. Our prayer life is only one aspect. As James says, “Faith without works is dead.” Therefore we are called to get outside of our problems and ourselves and help others. There is an old Buddhist saying, “Help your brothers boat across the stream and lo you find your own boat has crossed as well.” Despite his impending fate, Jesus always took the time to assist the poor, sick, outcast, and marginalized. If we are to live our lives as wholesome examples in Christ we are to follow this model. If we commit ourselves to a life of service and prayer we will discover that our faith becomes unbending and strong. The difficulties we face in life will have less power over us as we become spiritually mature.

The more we give of ourselves to God, the more God gives of himself to us. A faithful life may not always bring us what we desire, but it will bring us to a more intimate   relationship with God and others. Our faith will grow and our problems will seem much less.

Striving Through Adversity

Adversity is something that we all deal with in this life. While it is often unpleasant, climbing the rungs of adversity leads to a stronger and richer spiritual life. It is not easy to live life on life’s terms, nor is it easy facing the unpleasantness created by adverse situations. Yet none of us are immune to the difficulties in life. Often we simply want to put our head in the sand and pretend the issue(s) will go away. But as Children of God that is not what Jesus would have us do.

Jesus faced plenty of adversity in his life and of course as we all know eventually ended up hanging from a cross. As Christians Jesus tells us that we must all bear our crosses. That is not an easy directive. Yet the solutions lie all in how we approach the difficulties in life. If we view them as problems then chances are they will remain just that – problems. However if we look at adversity as a challenge then it becomes an opportunity to grow spiritually, as well as emotionally. Pain is often the bedrock that leads to spiritual growth and maturity.

Yet still, life can be most difficult and unfair. Jesus often told the disciples that they would be hated because of his name and their lives would be a struggle. But these average men who ran away the night Christ was crucified went on to become strong advocates for the faith. Against all odds they lived out the Gospel life, preaching and teaching the Good News wherever they went. Many suffered torture and death at the hands of their oppressors, but they persevered. They turned what was a frightening problem into a holy challenge. And they successfully met each obsticle and grew in their faith, casting out anxiety and worry.

Like the disciples we are called to persevere through adversity. We are called to live lives of faith and self-discipline. While this is most challenging, it is through our determination and faith that we become stronger. We not only overcome the difficulties we face, but we grow through the challenges. So remember this, whatever the problems are that plague us and bring us down, viewed as challenges we have the strength to persevere and overcome. Our lives may not end up where we intended but they will serve God and his purposes. Thus through a life of faith in Christ we will find true joy and peace.

Crash and Burn!

Crash and burn! Crash and burn is just what recently happened to my computer. Fortunately the Apple Store was able fix the problem. Unfortunately I lost almost all my data and several key apps in the process. Basically I started over with a brand new computer.

Yet is that such a bad thing to occur? Certainly on some levels it was a travesty. However there is something profoundly theological about this situation. We all tend to fill our lives with a lifetime of junk. By rebooting my computer I was able to begin with a fresh start. So it is with our spiritual lives. All too often we fill our souls with various kinds of unnecessary junk. Our prayer life suffers, as we become spiritually slow and constipated. We continue to refer back to the same old way doing things, whether they work or not. Sometimes it takes a spiritual crash to reboot our relationship with Christ and others. Call it getting back to the basics! We are creatures who tend to hang on to the past fragments and every single application we have ever downloaded.

In many ways I believe this is what Jesus means when he says, “If you want to save your life, first you must lose it.” We have to let go of the old ideas and ideals in order to clear a way for new and engaging ones. Clearing away the wreckage and debris of the past is a necessary part of spiritual growth and development. It opens new channels of prayer and spiritual insights that we perhaps overlooked. We find ourselves restored to a healthy and uncluttered relationship with Christ, as well as one another.

Had I been wise I might have backed up all of my computer information. But since I didn’t, I get to start over uninhibited and much freer. When we spiritually clean house we do the same. Our lives are less burdensome and we have so much more space for God in our lives. As frightening as it is, there are times when we must simply allow ourselves to crash and burn in order to be restored to a truly Christ-centered life. In other words, “We must lose our lives in order to save them.