Insecurity and the Loss of Faith

In the mid 1980’s and early 1990’s I personally struggled with faith. Having gone through a divorce, the loss of my father and job changes I not only questioned God, but began to compare myself to my peers whose lives seemed together. Intense fear crept into my life and with it, the feeling of insecurity and self-doubt. It was a truly difficult time in my life in which my self-worth was at an all time low. I struggled deeply with faith as the feelings of fear and insecurity grew ever stronger. I needed help but didn’t know where to turn. God seemed uncaring and distant.  I attended church but found no relief. My prayer life was nonexistent as I soon forgot how to even pray. It was a time of deep suffering and turmoil. My mind was like a busy highway, never ceasing to stop or rest. My sleep was shallow at best, as I lay awake at night wondering how my life ever got to this point. What I didn’t realize was that out of this struggle a deeper and richer faith would soon blossom, but I had to traverse the avenue of suffering and pain first.

We live in a world in which faith has become fragile for many. With the economy in poor shape, people out of work, the demise of the Middle Class, and personal struggles, many of us are left feeling insecure and doubtful. We live in an ever-changing world that creates uncertainty and stress for many of us. Perhaps we even find ourselves feeling inferior and lost.

It takes courage to have faith, especially in times of personal crisis. Fear is the old adversary that constantly seeks to find a home in our hearts and minds. When given into, fear becomes our worst enemy, causing us to feel out of control and even hopeless at times. The smallest bumps we encounter in life seem like mountains. Questions run through our minds and spirits, “How will I get through this situation?

Why me? Where is God in all of this pain?” When the inferiority and insecurity sets in, life seems all that more difficult. We lose sight of God’s beautiful creation and the blessings in our lives and simply want to go away and hide.  

Jesus experienced these same feelings on the night before he was crucified. He asked the Father to please remove this cup from his lips. He was so upset that the Gospel of John tells us he sweated blood. Yet despite the silence of God the Father, Jesus said, “Thy will be done.”

Can we say the same in our times of struggle and turmoil? It is hard to loosen our grip on control. It is difficult to accept any future other than what we desire in our minds. Yet by doing so we are exercising faith. God calls us to turn our lives and will over to him. Jesus desperately asks us to allow him to carry our burdens.

I eventually came to a point in which I could bear the pain no longer. In desperation I finally gave in and said, “God, I surrender. My way doesn’t work. Thy will be done.” As my relationship with God grew inch by inch I began to pray with much more ease. I ceased fighting God and everything else in my life and found a glimmer of hope which I desperately latched a hold. Things that seemed so large and unmanageable in my life soon transformed into smaller attainable goals. I allowed myself to go through the grief process and found that God was with me the whole way, even when times seemed uncomfortable and desperate. As my faith began to return the fear slowly diminished and I quit comparing myself to everyone and everything. I found myself simply letting go and letting God be in control of my life. I learned that God spoke to me the loudest in his silence. For silence is the language of God.

When traversing the road of life we are always going to encounter people and situations that cause us to question our faith. That is just a part of life. This is why it is important to continually turn our lives over to God. God will do for us what we can’t do for ourselves if we simply have faith and believe. The feelings of insecurity and inferiority will lessen the more we learn to trust God. 

It is important to remember that Jesus walked this same path of doubt. Jesus experienced everything that we have experienced and more. He knows our suffering and pain. All he asks is that we give him our worries and doubts, and allow him to lessen our burdens.